First of all, let me say that I really thought I would blog more than I have! Ugh. Honestly, I’ve been busy with home life, summer, and my full-time job, leaving little time to write! I’ve also put it off because I’m also not always feeling so confident in what I say, so I wait. What is strange is that I totally thought I knew what I was going to write about next, that entry is still in the works, but I put it off. Then, like the last entry, I had an idea come out of nowhere and it hasn’t left. I honestly should have written this late last night, when my wandering, middle of the night thoughts practically wrote the thing! However, I can’t remember any of that now! A little about me…I have very little patience, a need for something to do and work towards. However, as time goes on, I realize that God is really working on me and hoping, just hoping I embrace the quiet, the stillness. That seems to be when the most seems to happen, and we may not even realize it. I find that when I leap, even if I think it’s the right thing to, it always backfires. I need to be quiet, be still, and wait. See, there’s a plan already in place, that same God and that same plan got me where I am today, and I am beyond blessed. Sure, I put in the work, the time, the emotion, but God has certainly laid the groundwork and moved mountains for me. To me, quiet also means to be at peace when things are still, and not moving. That is hard. More than hard, it can feel downright impossible. Quiet can be awkward and scary. It takes trust in things beyond our scope of understanding and control. But, if you’re like me, that’s not easy to do.
I am by no means an expert, I came to understand the beauty in the quiet the hard way, and still find it a struggle. Whether it be questioning what I’m supposed to do career-wise, or life-wise, or how to build my family. I’ve learned not to jump, to let the quiet do the work, let the stillness help me to appreciate where I am and what I have.
When it comes to adoption, layers and layers of life experience and wants can get in the way. It can make life noisy and frazzled. Quiet in adoption can feel like nothing is happening, nothing is on the horizon, and that sucks. Really sucks. It’s hard to be still when all you can think about is adoption and your vision of your family that brought you to adoption in the first place. I feel like I’m no expert at the wait: we matched right away, our son was born 5 weeks later, and we brought him home. We’re blessed and I know it, because that is by no means typical. It’s not because we did anything different from other couples wishing, hoping, and waiting. However, I know the quiet through of struggle of infertility, appointments, results, and decisions. I know the quiet of wondering where the money for our adoption is going to come from. I know the wait of appointments for home studies, how slow time seems to move while waiting to know if a birth mother has chosen you, the quiet wait for the birth of a baby, and the wait for a birth mother to make the most difficult, emotional decision of her life. Why adoption is so hard is something I can’t answer, why it can be so costly both financially and emotionally, I don’t know. Is it a journey worth taking? Yes. It doesn’t have to make sense now and it may feel too quiet, like things are at a standstill, but there is God and He is working.
I’d love to hear more about how you and your family has gotten through the quiet times, the stillness of it all. Please leave a comment, or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Also, if you are feeling like it’s too quiet and you need a pep talk or support, please feel free to reach out to me. I will do my best to help and be a support to you!