Ok, so apparently, blogging is not my strong suit. I don’t feel like I have much profound to say any way, so if you’re reading this, thanks! However, I tend to randomly get the urge to share my thoughts and here we are. Today is my first Mother’s Day with our girl (more on that in a sec), and here I am, a proud Momma of two! If you had told me in 2011 or 2012 this is where I’d be, I wouldn’t have believed you. I had no idea the heartache and oh, the joy to come! Let me tell you now though, the first woman, or women, to come to mind is not myself but the two that gave my children life. I first wake up thinking about the two women who made me a mother. The sacrifice and the heartache they endure for their babies, something I can never repay and will never forget. We share a bond of motherhood over our babies that goes on forever. Hence the name of this blog, “Lives Forever Intertwined”, because adoption is just that. The love for these women is something real and organic and my desire for our babies to know them is strong!
When my husband and I started the adoption process again, I had a feeling the journey would be wildy different and it was. I think we both assumed we would take the exact same path and everything would fall into place. You can read about our first journey here: God is in the Details
However, nothing was much the same, but that’s ok! In January 2016, we decided to sign up with a local agency who does not allow you to sign up with other agencies at the same time and we paid money up front. All things we said we wouldn’t do. The decision did not come lightly, in fact, I reached out to our last agency and our last home study provider, even getting fingerprints and background checks done super early. We felt led to go against what we felt was the “right path” i.e. the easiest and most comfortable, trusting God knew what was to come and what we could handle. Again, finances were a huge worry, but my heart said jump and my husband reluctantly followed. We attended their information meeting in February and officially signed on. Our home study was completed in April and we were an waiting family the first week in May.
The wait felt much more difficult this time. I was more than ready to match with an amazing expectant mother and anticipate the birth of a baby. The unknown was much more stressful, maybe because we have been through it before. We started to get information on mommas, and I truly wanted to say yes to several, but my husband was the logical one and we passed. I had a feeling about the baby we would be matched with, I could picture her in my head, and always felt it would be a girl. So very silly, right?! We got a situation while just arriving in Florida to see our son’s Birth Mother and brother. I could have sworn this was the one, I got a feeling, a strong feeling about it. My husband was more hesistant and needed to think. We ultimately said no, but it was not easy for me. A wise friend told me that maybe I should stop praying for a “sign”, but pray instead that my husband receives it instead, that he would know in his heart when it was right. BLOWN.AWAY. Though I still felt I was letting go of a potential match, I looked forward. In August, we got information on an expectant mother who would be looking at profiles the next day, they needed know right away if we wanted to be shown. I became excited and forwarded the information to my husband. Then I waited. That morning, he told me he felt good about presenting to this Momma and I emailed the agency to let them know we would present. Again, I compared the situation to our son’s adoption, and anticipated a quick reply. This was not the case, we waited to hear, and waited some more for reasons I cannot disclose, not my story to tell. Finally I got a text, she had chosen us! We had 5 weeks to prepare, or so we thought….