After my last blog post, I really struggled with what to write next, our son’s birth mom did an amazing job sharing her heart and I really wasn’t sure how to follow it. So, I put off writing for a few days but an idea kept coming to mind earlier this week and today, so I feel that maybe there is a reason I need to write what I write today….
When my husband and I first announced to those around us we were adopting, we realized we were more connected to a world of adoptive parents, those who’ve been adopted, and birth parents than we ever imagined. It has really been wonderful to see how adoption has touched so many lives. In the process of sharing our story with others, we have been able to have open dialogue with those just thinking about adoption. In these discussions, I talk with people at all points in the journey to parenthood and want to share the very basic information I’ve shared with them.
Grief and Loss: I hope I don’t scare anyone away, but this is important. Not everyone who adopts has fertility issues and not everyone with fertility issues adopts. But if, like my husband and I, infertility led you to consider adoption sooner than you thought, you’ll need to address it. In order to be ready to adopt, you need to be in a place emotionally to do so. The “funny” thing about grief is that it never really truly goes away, and it brings on a journey of ups and downs, and that’s putting it lightly. Adoption in itself is a process grief and loss in its own way and until you’ve come to terms with prior grief, you just won’t be ready. This topic in itself deserves its own post, and I plan to write one in the very near future. If you have questions, email me, and lets talk.
Research, Research, Research: Adoption can be very different depending on the route you take and the professionals you work with. You need to know all your options, be able to make educated decisions, and make sure the right people are helping you on your adoption journey. One of the reasons I started a blog is because I knew how much reading blogs of other adoptive families helped me. Research cost, types of adoption, openness in adoption, etc. Research local agencies and adoption consultants. Research grants and fundraising ideas.
So, I haven’t written on here for a while, but it’s been for a good reason. G’s birth mom, A, and brother came to visit. Yes, you heard me right. (I will refer to her as A, for her privacy. Again, this is her story to truly tell. I also refer to our son by his initial G, for now) Anyway, when we were matched, we agreed to yearly visits with A., in addition to phone calls and letters. However, our relationship continues to evolve. On the scale of openness in adoption, I’d say our adoption is as open as it gets! Let me say that this has happened so very organically and it’s not for every adoption situation. However, we are happy with where things stand and enjoyed having A. and her son in our home and meeting our families. During conversations prior to our visit, I discussed my blog and new adventure. A. was completely supportive and even agreed to let me interview her. On the last day of our visit, while G was napping, we sat on the couch together with my husband, and opened up. Honestly, I had been thinking about what to ask her for a long time, what would be most helpful, what would I have wanted to know as an adoptive parent from a birth mom, etc. and didn’t write any of it down! Regardless, we talked, we cried, and we shared. This is another long but meaningful post. Here is our story in A’s own words: “I was going through a hard time and was trying to get my life together so I could raise G, who wasn’t G yet, but things didn’t work out that way and I believe God has a plan for everyone. I really think God made things hard, well I put myself in that situation, but God put me in that situation to help you guys have a family”.
I never envisioned myself to be a blogger, like ever, but here I am. To be honest, it makes me pretty nervous, but there are a number of reasons why I’m typing this now. Let me start by saying that my new role as an Adoption Advocate with Christian Adoption Consultants has been a situation that has really pushed me out of my comfort zone, and one of the biggest reasons I felt I should start this blog. However, as a women who has been through infertility and the adoption process, I really wish I would have started sooner! As a social worker, I often tell clients to journal, it can be so therapeutic. I should have really taken my own advice. While living through infertility and the adoption process, I should have started a blog, even if just for myself to read. Now the mother of an awesome 2 year old and an amazing relationship with his birth family, I wish I had written down my journey so far. If I had, I could read about the really bad days, days where I may have felt hopeless, then about the good days, where everything came together and just made sense. This is my testimony-it was really a journey about patience and trust (more on that later!). So, if you are living through it now, stop reading this (come back!) and start a blog/journal. You’ll thank me later!
I am so very passionate about adoption, and I love sharing my experience and why my husband and I took the path we did, which ultimately led us to our son and his birth family-our family. If you are considering adoption for your family, please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, I would love to talk to you more about it!